Posts

Obsequious Boot Polish - New at Mountebanks

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Introducing Obsequious Boot Polish
An all natural, solvent free* boot polish, designed to create the highest quality shine, no matter whose boots you** need to lick!
Only at Mountebanks!
*Ingredients are neither natural or solvent-free.  **May only be applied by proletarians, not suitable for use by bourgeoisie

Compliadol Oral Solution - New at Mountebanks!

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Introducing Eaque Pariter Compliadol Oral Solution
Struggling to do what you're told? Feel like life is unfair? Try NEW Compliadol Oral solution. With just one drop under the tongue, Compliadol will improve your social attitudes, and help you get to grips with the harsh reality of life. 
Only at Mountebanks!

Be Better with Auctoritas

New at Mountebanks!
Our new range of Auctoritas teas will energize and refresh you, making you a productive and profitable member of society.
Pick up a box in store today, and remember,
If you don't produce, you're of no use!

Mountebanks Store Credit Card - Apply Today!

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Do you often find yourself struggling to afford the things you need? Do you worry about money? We can help!
Introducing the Mountebanks Store Credit Card.
Sign up today, and get a £2,000 credit limit immediately! And if you sign up before May 30th 2020, you'll get 10% off* your first in-store purchase!
Help us to profit from your poverty, with a Mountebanks Store Credit Card.
*10% discount applies to interest rates only, and full RRP will be deducted from your credit limit.


Difficulty Leaving the House? Mountebanks Can Help!

Keep calm, and carry on consuming, with Pandemavert! 
Our new Pandemavert range is made with businesses in mind, and will keep the economy safe from the self-preservation instinct keeping you at home. Just place a drop under your tongue, and within seconds you'll be relaxed and ready to go!
Never worry about leaving your home again, with Pandemavert, only at Mountebanks!

Struggling for Cash? Subsidise Your Earnings with Mountebanks Home Store Sales Scheme!

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Times are hard right now, and we know it, which is why we've developed our new Home Store Sales Scheme!
Sign up today, and put in hours of work for free, whilst shilling our low exchange-value, vastly overpriced products to your friends and family online, earning a meagre commission in return!
Just complete our attached leaflet, send off, and within days you could be generating profit and value for a company that would happily see you starve. 
It's not manipulation, it's Multi-Level Marketing!

Struggling to Stay Productive?

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Here at Mountebanks, we've paired up with Lugwaljon Town Council to help keep our workforce going strong. Pop into your local store today and check out our range of energising and invigorating products, guaranteed to turn even the least valuable members of society into a tool for bourgeoisie profit generation. 
Products available resolve a variety of health complaints, including low motivation, lack of productivity, and panic or hysteria. Some products may require a prescription from Lugwaljon Town Council Health and Economy Department. Inconvenience charges will be added to any purchases made by proletarians. Prescriptions MUST be filled within 4 working days, or non-compliance fines will be enforced.
In partnership with Lugwaljon Town Council Remember: You're All in This Together
Find out more at https://lugwaljontowncouncil.blogspot.com